Control freak

You consume my way of life; want to know my every thought.

Enjoy my feelings of despair although it’s not my fault.

I look into the bottle of pills that hides uncertainty,

But knowing when I swallow, that person is not me.

I’ve tried to analyse exactly what’s gone wrong

But know deep down I won’t be happy until the day I’ve gone.

You won’t smile until the day you’ve destroyed my soul

And every day you push me harder; that seems to be your goal.

You open up my mail, interpret all my text

Go through junk on my P.C. whatever f****** next?

I’ve nothing to hide, you’re insecure, there’s nothing for you to see

Apart from your imagination that sees the worst in me.

Emotional blackmail, nonsensical talking puts ruin to my fate

You twist the knife to your way of thinking, try to manipulate

You treat me as you would a child and use me like some bait

You won’t be happy until I cave in, crumble and deflate.

I wish I could just turn my back on your words I could avoid,

I want to gag your constant nag, as my feelings’ now devoid.

I wish it were easy for me now just to turn away

But the turmoil I feel inside me now, justifies my stay.

I feel weak inside but deep down, it’s you that needs therapy,

Until the day you admit this, you’ll keep on punishing me.

If this is what you want from life that brings you so much joy,

Then I conclude your childhood was void of love and toys.

My time of understanding has almost run its course

And more than once I’ve set out rules in case of our divorce.

You must have been abused yourself the way you’ve treated me,

Because the person I stand opposite is so damn ugly.

Linda Lawrence

(overnight) 19^th October 2004