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My Thyroid ruling me again
I now feel I am in the position where I say where I want to be with my medication. The changes during the beginning of 2005, were so subtle, I was barely aware of them, but recurrent thrush and dry, brittle skin around my fingertips, that sometimes crack and bleed, have normally been signs and symptoms in the past, so was hardly surprised I have gone Underactive again. Easter was awkward, as I had family staying with me and had the heaviest and painful period for years that went on for many days. I was told at my doctors appointment, that I was now severely Hypothyroid and was told to up my dose to 100 mcg, but know, in hindsight, that this big increase, at least for me, might well lead to me going Overactive, which makes me feel so unwell and dreadful, at best. I have decided to increase myself gradually to 100 mcg every other day. I did not mean to go against the wishes of my doctor, but feel I know my own body and the way it behaves with my Hypothyroidism. She has, however suggested another blood test in a months’ time. It was about this time, two years ago, that I started to see changes again. Once again, my weight is erratic and has gained yet again. I have to accept that this pattern will continue for the rest of my life.
Mentally, this time, I felt fine and continue to take St. Johns Wort and Primrose oil, which I feel could be helping, although one doctor would feel happy about this where another would not, so I go along with what I think my body might feel better with.
I always dread change now and any impending blood test becomes a real issue. I feel sure I would rather be and feel Hypothyroid (and overweight) as opposed to Hyperthyroid as I feel as this affects me more mentally and have felt as if I have lost my mind in the past.
I acknowledge that I have early onset Menopausal symptoms, such as feeling hot and especially at night in bed. My sleep pattern once again is unsettled and feeling a little tired during the day.
On a lighter note, I find when I start going Underactive I write more prose and poems which is strange. I have written several poems this year and just recently been accepted by a publishing company for an anthology of nine poems, an authors profile and a possible slot on local radio!
Blaming everything on the Thyroid
Just before leaving for our annual holiday in May 2005, I felt as if I was in Cloudcukooland, but more intense than just before in my normal ‘bubble state’. It was so severe, I got very panicky, shaky and remembered that I had a milder feeling when we went to see a show in London in March and felt awful during the performance. This latest ‘attack’ made me very emotional and frightened and it was only when I talked myself into calming down and taking deep, long breaths, did the feeling gradually subside to be able to get a grip on myself. I must have looked ridiculous at the airport puffing and panting in the middle of the departure lounge! My bones are also a little achy and my breathing heavy. I also managed to overlook picking up my handbag with all our money, travellers cheques and passports which I left on the transport bus that took us from the car park to the airport, but luckily, was handed in. I had another similar attack on the plane that felt like pure panic but not knowing why? I am convincing myself that it is all Thyroid related. I begun to wonder whether my guess of a small increase of Thyroxine is going to be enough of whether the doctor was right originally to increase it to 100 mcg, or maybe it is just where the increase is kicking in, but this is something I have never experienced before.
It feels strange that when the Doctor told me I was Underactive again, I felt reasonably well and wonder if the increase of Thyroxine makes me fell rough before things start to improve.
By the middle of the holiday, we came to the conclusion that the feelings of panic might have been caused by the Caffeine in Coffee as I drunk a cup before seeing this show in London and also at the airport and only drink non Caffeine at home. However, during the latter part of the holiday, I awoke in the early hours in the morning with an even more intense feeling than ever before, convinced that there was something wrong with my heart and this lasted for about an hour, so the cause was not Caffeine related. I will go for an early blood test and if this is normal, I will have to accept that what I was feeling were panic attacks. Not nice.
As for the increase in Thyroxine, within nine days, the changes I felt were so apparent; skin, nails, so much softer. No more recent attacks of Thrush and even the elasticity in my vagina increased, which before made lovemaking painful due to the dryness. Just that small increase of 12 and a half mcg daily has made a huge difference. I am hoping that this will be the last change for a long time now. It would be wonderful to feel and be normal for years to come and to keep my weight steady and not too readily blame my Thyroid for anything that might be closely related.
Following an acute attack of indigestion that lasted for several weeks I had an ECG. The ECG was fine and felt guilty for wasting the Doctors time. However, I feel sure he understood and I am not the one to keep visiting the G.P. other than for mostly blood tests. I was also very relieved that nothing is amiss other than worries over recent personal events, but obviously now, I tend to blame most things on my Hypothyroidism. My latest blood test was normal and I now have a blood test form, so I choose when I feel I need another blood test. I hope to leave having one for at least six months and I feel a little bit better having some kind of control over it.
I am still learning the hard way, that in my personal experience, that weight can be gained and still get constipated even when going Overactive and to lose weight and get diarrhoea when Underactive, hence some confusement in the past. The metabolism just simply goes haywire. I have also met hypothyroid people who appear to be in normal proportion, but have felt very poorly.
I often wonder that I will eventually have to be increased to 125 mcg, the original dose I was prescribed just before my son was born. I also know that it takes many years for any medication to get properly sorted out and that it may never be properly sorted out, a pattern that seems to be set in concrete over the last few years.
My Cousin in now Underactive opposed to overactive since having her treatment and is now on Thyroxine Her Thyroid has been very erratic.
I can wear my earrings again now, without allergy and no longer suffer allergies with plants or flowers or even mild Hay fever.
In hindsight, when my daughter was born in 1981, I had terrible trouble losing weight and might have had mild symptoms of Hypothyroidism back then. I also worry that my daughter might inherit the same condition later on in her life and overreact at times when she shows a sign when it is probably nothing to do with even being anywhere related!
As a blood donor, I am unable to donate if a blood test shows up as abnormal and have to wait three months after a blood test shows a normal reading, but how will I ever know?
It appears, since the beginning of the diagnoses, that I can lose weight fairly easily oblivious to the fact that the medication might be unbalanced or Hypo or Hyperthyroidism might be creeping up again, but one might argue that the weight loss could trigger the Thyroid to go Haywire? But I have tried and failed miserably to lose weight when my medication is supposed to be balanced. On days that that I do not feel quite so well and that maybe the snapshot of my reading for the day might be borderline or within the ‘normal’ limits, this is why I gain weight so easily and in spite of trying so hard to keep it under control, I have to give in to it and keep two sizes of clothes in my wardrobe at all times. Obviously, in spite of any new weight loss, I will be very worried about the state of my Thyroid and what I have to suffer as a result of it.
Other Autoimmune Diseases
Since discovering that autoimmune diseases are familiar on both sides of my family, it makes me wonder how many other members of my family suffered and indeed future generations. Hypothyroidism is an autoimmune disease and will have to accept that I will be prone to other autoimmune diseases as the immune system attacks its own tissue; the body literally turns against itself. It seems that people who have other autoimmune diseases such as Diabetes would also be prone to Thyroid Disease as the body seems to go out of sync. Pernicious disease of the Stomach, Addisons' disease of the Adrenal glands, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus and Coeliac (gluten intolerance) are just some examples of autoimmune disease.
As for the medical jargon, I find it all very confusing to read about TSH, (Thyroid stimulating Hormone) what it is supposed to be doing and what happens when it fails to work and why I have to take Thyroxine in the first place! Even the blood test baffles me and knowing that there are several kinds of blood tests for Thyroid is even more confusing. Hyperthyroidism and treatment is completely different also and the symptoms bear no resemblance to Hypothyroidism. A completely different disease. The mixture of Hypothyroidism and early Menopause has definitely been mixed up! It does not worry me that I have entered into an early Menopause, as I have felt so unwell in the past with my illness and at the moment, any hormonal changes Menopause wise have had little affect on my well being apart from missing some Periods, which is fine by me! I do know, of course, things could change, but I think I deserve to sail through it now. I had not even heard of Hypothyroidism and Thyroxine before the diagnoses, either!
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